Hellish Google Ads
21 February 2008I noticed that yesterday’s article caused Google to randomly select ads related to the topic. Google decided that what related was “hell”. Lovely. The ads consisted of things like “The Truth About Hell. No One Will Burn in Hell for All Eternity and We Can Prove It” and “Hell and Who Goes There.”
I was going to check them out but first Google doesn’t let you click your own ads and secondly I was afraid, very afraid. I sure didn’t want internet confirmation that I was going to hell even if it wasn’t for all eternity. However the ads did get me thinking about my Catholic upbringing and the 10 Commandments. I wondered how I was doing on those and decided to break them down and analyze my potential spiritual fate.
#1 You Shall Have No Other Gods but Me.
#2 You Shall not make for yourself any idol, nor bow down to it or worship it.
- These are the ones that might cause me to fry forever. I’m not a big believer in God and worse I often offer up a prayer to the bowling and softball gods. A fry forever in hell worthy offense I’m sure.
#3 You Shall Not Misuse the Name of Your God.
- I think I skate by on this one on a technicality. I take The Lord’s son’s name in vain a whole lot but not God’s. And I’m usually doing while turning the other cheek so I’d think that cancels out the fry worthy part.
#4 You Shall Remember and Keep the Sabbath Holy.
- Ok, I fail at this too. Sunday are usually started off with the phrase “What happened hell to Saturday.” I do try to keep it holy, in a sense. I am reverent about doing absolutely nothing the entire day.
#5 Respect Your Mother and Father
- Woot! This one I do, no problem. I respect the very healthy distance we keep between us.
#6 You Shall Not Kill
- Another one I have covered! I’m pretty sure wanting to throttle my kids doens’t count. It is deeds and not thoughts that count for this one, right?
#7 You Must Not Commit Adultery
- I’m on a roll. Another one I easily live by!!! More than 1 man at a time defies any known logic. If we were meant to have more than 1 man there’d be 48 hours in a day because that’s how much time they take up.
#8 You Must Not Steal
- There is nothing out there that I want badly enough to risk becoming Big Jane’s sweet baby girl. It’s simple, I’d get caught, end up in prison and be offered the “protection” of the largest and scariest woman every to grace the prison system. It’s way easier, and safer, to just work for what I want.
#9 You Must Not Bear False Witness
- I don’t have to make up stuff about people. They do a good enough job making themselves look bad without my help.
#10 You Must Not Covet Thy Neighbour’s Wife or Goods.
- Another easy one. I assume, in my case, this means neighbor’s husband. Ummm, no thanks. He’s at least 200 lbs overweight, yells a lot and is only a few years older than my oldest kid. As for their stuff, again, no thanks! Their car has more miles than Britney Spears has personalities and their prized possession is their Christmas reindeer that they put up on their roof.
All in all I figure I might go to hell, if there’s a hell, but it won’t be for eternity. Chances are I’d just have to spend a few millenium sitting in a small room with my mother. EEK! Perhaps I should revisit the Commandments I’ve been slacking on just in case.
One last thing, I always thought “Turn the other cheek” was a commandment. It’s not. All this time I’ve been “turning” like I was Linda Blair in The Exorcist and it’s all been for nothing. Another one that doens’t qualify is “Do unto others”. I was never very good at that one. Mostly people do unto me. In spades. Which results in cheek turning and supreme being name misuse.
I also noticed there was nothing about placing blame. Works for me. All the ones I’ve screwed up on…
…they weren’t my fault! I think I’m covered and not hell-bound!
Take care!
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