Anger Management
26 January 2007I read a good explanation of what anger management is somewhere on the net but can’t seem to find it again. It went something like… “ Anger management is idling your engine when all you want to do is strip your gears.”
Feeling anger is healthy it’s how you express that anger that can be a problem. Do you calmly choose to deal with the situation after thinking through a course of action or do you react and lash out? If you do the second, chances are you have an anger management problem. At one extreme, it involves physically assaulting the person who’s angered you. That type of behaviour requires professional help and won’t be discussed here. However, you don’t have to be physical to be abusive. Verbal abuse is a good example of non-physical anger. A good description of verbal abuse can be found on Verbal Abuse.com.
The Southern Illinois University lists the following as the sources of anger:
1. Safety and Well-Being - Fear for your own or someone else’s safety, either real or imagined.
2. Power - Loss or threat to your power and control
3. Perfection and Pride - When someone or something implies you or one of your family are not good enough.
4. Self-Sufficiency and Autonomy - When someone or something implies you don’t have the ability to do things on your own.
5. Self-Esteem, Feeling Important, Status - When someone or something puts you down and makes you feel unimportant.
It also lists the sequence of anger:
1. TRIGGERS: Something unpleasant happens, our buttons are pushed.
2. THOUGHTS: We evaluate others’ behavior, we think about what happened. Jerk! Unfair! Terrible! Awful! They shouldn’t do that!
3. FEELINGS: We respond emotionally to our thoughts and evaluations. Hurt! Scared! Outraged! Attacked! Hopeless!
4. BEHAVIORS: We act out our feelings. Run! Withdraw! Cry! Fight! Attack! Revenge!
5. CONSEQUENCES: The consequences of our acting out can escalate our anger and the cycle continues. Beneath anger is another emotion, it can be shame, hurt, guilt or something else.
Some steps to controlling your anger are as follows:
1. Tune in to what is making you angry. Become self-aware. Identify what underlying emotion is being covered up by anger.
2. Stop and think of solutions to the problem that don’t consist of verbal or physical abuse.
3. Choose a viable solution and implement it. This may include discussing the issue with someone. If that’s the case, calmly explain why the person or situation has upset you and offer up the solution in a constructive, non-threatening manner.
4. If you’re too angry to talk, walk away, do some exercise, listen to music, write out your feelings, meditate.
Once you’ve put your anger into perspective and calmed down then approach the other person to talk. Be respectful, this ensures that the other person is receptive to what you are presenting. If you attack, they defend and nothing gets solved.
Obviously, self control does not come as easy as reading a page on the internet. It requires time and effort. If you feel you can’t do this on your own, check out your local resources and find a professional to help. Here are a few more anger management sources:
American Psychological Association
Angries Out - good site for anger in children
Take Care!
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